


Moving On Is Hard To Do

by Leaderren



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: BB-8 is the best wingman, Dancing, F/M, Gen, In more ways than one, Little bit of Fluff, Little bit of angst, Post Bloodlines, Pre-TFA, Reader gets no real closure, Reader-Insert, crit is appreciated but don't be a dick m'kay?, everyone likes a party, its a military ball, reader gets cornered by an asshole, slight harassment, they had to have those in the New Republic right?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-04
Updated: 2018-08-04
Packaged: 2019-06-21 12:24:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,795
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15557661
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Leaderren/pseuds/Leaderren
Summary: You didn't really want anything to do with parties and dancing, that is until you are saved by a certain New Republic pilot.





	Moving On Is Hard To Do

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, hey!  
> This was part of a story that I wrote for my OC, but I decided to change her whole arc and do something else with her entirely. I liked this little one shot a lot though so I decided to turn it into a reader story, hooray! Takes place after Ben's fall (approximately 2 years after) So I don't think the Resistance has recruited Poe at this point and he's still with the New Republic navy stationed on Mirrin Prime. Also, a Kaadu is the big animal the Gungans rode in A Phantom Menace, for reference.

You hated parties, or at least you did once you had gotten older. Now that you were on Hosnian Prime working with Senator Berenko it seemed like there was some gala or meeting every time you turned around.

 You hated forcing a smile and dancing with every Tom, Dick and Harry that came your way. Who bowed, making a big show telling you how pretty and smart you were, all while ogling your breasts. It made you cringe when they touched you, made your skin crawl.

To them you were just a bauble, something pretty to hang on their arms and make them feel good about themselves. They tried to talk to you but all they wanted to talk about was how gorgeous your eyes were, how pretty you looked, no one ever actually spoke to you like you were a human being, who by most accounts was smarter than they were, which was why you hated parties.

 Now you were backed into a corner as some Senator from who the force knew where, was leering at you. He was your father’s age for makers sake, but he insisted you accompany him to this military ball. You backed farther away, as politely as you could, the manners that had been drilled into your head since your childhood refusing to be overridden, as you forced a smile and politely refused his offer for the second time.

“I’m so sorry Senator. I really can’t, but I thank you for your offer all the same.”  Your voice was firm as you said this, and you took another step back as he moved closer. This man, Amarkin you finally remembered, had no concept of personal space, and despite his larger stature he moved quick. His graying blonde hair swept to the side to hide what you were sure was a receding hairline, over a wrinkled forehead colored like the underbelly of a kaadu. It was obvious the man never really went outside in the sunlight, too busy lining his pockets with ill-gotten funds and drinking enough Corellian whiskey to drown a large rat.

 

“Why not?” He pouted, much like a spoiled youngling told he couldn’t have his favorite sweets, “It'll be too late to work on the archives, and there are no major bills coming up to help Berenko with. Come now, I have no one to go with, since my wife is off planet. I insist you accompany me. We can make a night of it.” his eyes roamed down the length of you, and somehow by a miracle of the force you were able to repress the shudder of revulsion that crept its way up your spine.

 The way he said the end part made bile rise in your throat. You knew exactly what he meant by that statement, he’d been trying for months to lure your someplace where he could be could be alone with you. You weren’t dumb enough to fall for it though, which you knew frustrated him.

 

“-I really can’t Senator, because I-“

“Because she's already agreed to go with me.” A smooth voice behind the older Senator said. They both looked to address the man in a pilots jumpsuit, He had dark hair and eyes with an olive complexion, you recognized him from somewhere, but couldn’t quite place where.  A small orange and white BB unit rolled up next to him.

 

You breathed a sigh of relief and gingerly stepped around the Senator to stand beside him, mouthing a thank you to your savior before turning to face Amarkin once again.

“Oh, Dameron. Didn’t know you two even knew one another.  Don’t you have duty that night?” The agitation in his voice was palpable, but Dameron didn’t even flinch as he put his arm around your shoulders pulling you flush to his side.

 “I’m off that night. So, I ran into my friend here and asked her to go.” Dameron said winking at you, making your face grow hot.

 

Defeated, and a little more than angry at being thwarted the Senator left, throwing a “If he has duty again that night you know where to find me.” Over his shoulder.

You breathed a sigh of relief and relaxed slumping against Dameron’s side, as Amarkin turned a corner, leaving you and the handsome gentleman who saved you alone.

“You alright?” he asked squeezing your shoulder. You nodded.

“Thank you. I have no idea how I was going to get out if that if you hadn’t come along.” You laughed, and he smiled down at you.

 “You looked like you were in distress, besides, I know he doesn’t like the word no. Seems to barely understand it from what I’ve seen in holo’s to be honest.”

You put out your hand and formally introduced yourself. He shook it, it was warm, rough and calloused.

 “Poe Dameron.”

“Commander Dameron? As in the son of Shara Bey and Kes Dameron?  You’re commander of Rapier squadron, right?” It was hard to hide the excitement in your voice as you said this, nearly bouncing out of your shoes. His parents were legends, ones that your parents had only known in passing during their time in the Rebellion.

 “You know your stuff. I’m impressed.”

 You snorted a little. “Please don’t be. I’m just a history nerd who knows way too much trivia for her own good.”

There was a very loud, unimpressed series of beeps from below the two of you, the BB unit that had accompanied him was not happy about being left out of the conversation and let both of you know it.

“Oh, I’m sorry buddy, this is BeeBee-ate.”

 You smiled and said hello to the little droid, who beeped a very polite greeting.

“He’s adorable.” You practically gushed.

“He’s my right-hand man, don’t know where I'd be without him.”

 BB-8 beeped a response that made you shake with repressed laughter as you covered your mouth.

“That’s not entirely true BeeBee, I’d have made it out of there. Eventually.” His cheeks seemed to darken in embarrassment for the briefest of moments before he cleared his throat and stuffed his hands in his back pockets nervously.

“You’re Senator Berenko’s aide, right?” you nodded. “I also work on the Republic’s archives in my free time. We’re here for the annual military inspection. I was on my way to send some files off when Amarkin cornered me.”

 There was a few moments of silence as the two of you stood in the hall, neither of you sure how to act on what was happening between you. 

BB made what could be only be the droid equivalent of an exasperated sigh and rolled up behind you bumping himself against the back of your legs pushing you toward Poe.

‘ _If you don’t ask her, I will for you.’_  He chimed at Poe, who turned another, deeper shade of red.

Poe cleared his throat nervously, “So, listen, I really am free that night if you wanna go.” 

Now it was your turn to turn scarlet. It had been so long since someone near your age had offered, and here was the most irresistible pilot asking you to go with him. You would have been stupid to say no.

“I’d love to.” You breathed.

~~~

You'd never had so much fun in your life, dancing and talking for hours, you were incredibly grateful for the distraction, even if only for a little while. Senator Amarkin glared at you and your handsome date all evening, stewing in his own muck as he got drunker and drunker. He tried several times to approach you and ask for a dance, but Poe wouldn’t let him, slyly sneaking your away every time he saw him get close.

That was how you both wound up on the open patio. The fresh air was wonderful and Mirrin Prime's city was much calmer than Hosnian Prime’s capital. You were both leaning against the carved railing looking out at the skyline chatting quietly about different things. Your parents, your jobs, where you had both grown up. It was so nice to talk to someone who understood what growing up with parents who had been in the Rebellion was like, there had only been one other person who you had been able to talk this freely with.

“I've never seen you fly before, but a few of the senators have told me it’s incredible to watch. Better than some of the racers in the Five Saber’s.”

“Do you have any experience flying?” he asked as he moved a little closer to you. 

“I don’t particularly have an affinity for it." You answered shaking your head. "I’m sure if I was shown what to do I could at least off planet, but nothing like the feats you pull off."

“Where’d you get these?” He asked holding up your wrist to admire the gold bangles. The intertwined birthstones glittered in the city’s lights, reminding you of when you had first gotten them.

“A friend. He gave then to me for my birthday when I was nineteen.” You answered simply.

“Do I know this friend?”

You shook your head, Ben and Poe had never met, which had been surprising considering how close their parents had worked during the Rebellion. “I don’t think you two ever met, but you probably knew of each other. I think a lot of us who had parents in the Rebellion know of one another, but we're all so spread out, not many of us meet.”

He nodded his agreement. “True, we should have a club, where we all talk about our parents and their stories. I’m sure your dad would love it.” he teased, you giggled like a school girl.  “Oh please no. We'd be there for hours. I don’t think he’d ever leave the stage.”

The two of you stared for a moment, silent, for the first time all night, leaning closer to each other in the dim lighting.

A shout interrupted the calm stillness of the air around you, and you turned your head away at the last second. Several other officers were leaving the gala, laughing and shouting as they stumbled over their own feet. They had to have been drunk you thought shaking your head as you laughed to yourself, your heart thundering in your rib cage at the thought of how close you had been to kissing him.  _'Not yet.'_ your heart sighed, not ready to let go just yet. That stubborn thread of hope unable to be cut, even after two years.

The moment gone, Poe tugged at your elbow to get your attention. You could tell he was a little disappointed but he didn't push, and you were all the more grateful for it.

“I think he’s gone if you want to head back inside?” It was getting a little chilly.

“Yes, besides you owe me another dance.” You said entwining your arm with his, trying to lighten the mood between the two of you once again. 

“As many as you want. We have all night.”

 It was so nice to finally have a connection with someone, but there was a nagging voice in the back of your mind, making you feel terrible for having fun like this with anyone else, even as Poe entwined his fingers with yours and led you back inside to the brightly lit ball room.

Ben was gone, and the sooner you accepted that, the sooner your heart could move on.

-

Even though Ben Solo was dead a part of his feelings still lingered inside Kylo Ren. Every now and then they bubbled to the surface like a toxic sludge to pester him. He was normally able to push it back down, back into the deepest recesses of his soul, but today he couldn’t seem to make it stop.

He picked up his datapad and stared at the article. He kept tabs on the Republic, it was part of his responsibility to try and stay one step ahead of them, watch for weaknesses. That’s what he told himself at least.

 _‘Thought you might like to see this.’_ Hux had sent. He could almost hear it in the man’s sniveling voice.

Today’s article was frivolous in its subject matter. It talked of a military ball, one the New Republic had been hyping up for weeks. His lip curled in disgust, what a waste of time.

The front holo picture was what caught his eye first.

He stopped and stared at the holo of her. She was smiling up at some pilot, while he twirled her around on the dance floor her eyes sparkling in happiness.

It was like a punch to the gut.  That smile, the way her hair fell, everything.  He almost tossed the thing across the room but thought better of it. Stars, she was more beautiful than he remembered.

Shaking with rage, he read the caption under the holo. _“Republic Commander Dameron and Senatorial Aide (L/N)”_

There was some speculation as to what their relationship was, but it went no further.

Another holo caught her as she laughed at something Dameron said to her and It took all of his training to force the bubble of emotion that welled up inside him back down again.

So, she was a Senator’s aide now too. He slammed the datapad down on the table and left the room, wanting to break everything in his path.

The image of her smiling like that at anyone else was driving him nuts. He hated it, hated the way he felt, hated that Ben Solo's feelings for her had not dissipated.  If anything, they were stronger now that he was free to feel them as much as possible. This Sith had gotten one thing right, Peace was a lie.

He stomped into the training facility and flicked on a switch, determined to destroy something, and distract himself from these emotions as they warred inside of him.

By the end of the session, he was dripping with sweat his black hair sticking to his reddened face as he took deep, nearly gasping breaths as he worked through the pain. He had destroyed at least three training droids and had exhausted himself past the point of caring, or at least that’s what he told himself.

After showering he went to eat, sitting at the small table in his room, the datapad still face down where he’d threw it earlier.

He stared at the stupid thing, It was taunting him, laughing as if he was too weak to push past his feelings for her, but he had to, if he was going to become like his grandfather, he had to move on.

He couldn’t stop himself as he picked it up and let his fingers glide over the screen, accessing files he hadn't opened in almost two years.

Holo's and pictures and every message she’d ever sent. He couldn’t quite bring himself to delete them just yet, justifying keeping them so he could remind himself of what he couldn’t afford to be weak about.

Her soft voice was pleading in the first one as she looked straight into the commlink. _‘Please, please answer me.’_ Fat tears rolled down her cheeks before she wiped them away with the back of her sleeve and tried to keep her composure.

She was sobbing in the next begging, pleading with him.

_“Please, please come back. Please answer me. Let me know you’re okay.”_

That had been the one to break his heart the most, he had replied to it, in a moment of weakness just to let her know he was safe, it hadn’t been a lie either, but he had paid for that one word, Snoke had made sure of that.

Eventually he watched them all, with a sort of detached numbness. He glanced at the date of the last one, it was after he’d destroyed the new Jedi order.

She had sent it not even knowing if he would ever receive it. Her bright eyes looking into the lens as if she was resolved to whatever had happened to him. Did she know, he wondered, or was she in the dark as to what exactly had happened?

 _‘I don’t know where you are, I don’t know what happened, I just wanted to let you know I’ll be here. If you ever need me, I’ll be right here. I-“_ he shut it off before she could finish and tossed it to the other side of his bed, staring up at the ceiling, his heart, soul and mind at war with one another.

Ben Solo was dead. His feelings and attachment to his family and friends had made him weak, unable to take his true place in the galaxy. She was just another one of those things that weakened him.


End file.
